As telegraphed, the U.S. launched retaliatory raids on Iranian supported terrorist groups, hitting approximately 85 targets including weapons warehouses, bunkers, and command and control facilities. “It was awesome,” Mohamed Ali reported. “We watched the attack through binoculars. Billion dollar airplanes, launched millions of dollars of weapons, and did thousands of dollars of damage. Glad we weren’t there when it happened.” 

Mohamed Ali’s colleague, Mohamed Amad, added that, “President Biden only gave us five days warning so we could not get everything out. We lost some cool IKEA furniture that I’m going to miss.”

As to injuries, Mohamed Gaddafi, was an eyewitness. “There were several hernias as men tried to carry too much to the trucks and some smashed fingers. My best friend Mohamed got bloody knuckles when he banged them on a door frame while helping to carry out a rocket launcher.” 

When asked about the loss of buildings, the Mohameds were nonchalant. “We’re safe in mosques for now and the U.N. will rebuild for us. Our friends in UNRWA have already started the paperwork.” A Mohamed who refused to give his last name, explained how it works. “We just sprinkle around some pages from textbooks and tell the UN it was a school, or throw a box of bandages in the rubble and tell them it was a hospital. They know better than to ask a lot of questions.”

Another Mohamed added, “We’re gonna inflate the cost of rebuilding so we can have some of those sweet tunnels like in Gaza. We’re gonna have air conditioning, trolleys, a bowling alley and we’re negotiating for a Starbucks.” When asked what they learned from the attack, one of the Mohameds summed it up. “Always lift with your legs.”