Climate activists are very excited by the news that human beings are headed to extinction, thus returning the planet to its formerly healthy state. According to an article in ScientificAmerican, the combination of a lack of genetic diversity, environmental degradation and a dismal birth rate means humans are well on the way to becoming extinct. 

“When I heard that humans were going extinct I got so excited I wanted to go to church and light a candle,” Windy Summer said. “Not a real candle, of course, just one of those electric ones. Preferably green powered.”

“I was gonna buy a Leaf to drive but when I heard we’re going extinct I ordered a Ram V8 pickup instead,” Rich Vandersnoot said. “Now I can stop riding my stupid bike everywhere.”

San Francisco resident, Moonbeam Bright said, “I can’t wait to see what the planet will be like when there are no humans.” Then Moonbeam headed off to eat a steak, since she doesn’t have to worry about methane gas anymore. 

Our meridian-street reporter did not have the heart to tell the excited activists that it will take at least a few hundred years for humans to reach extinction.