After the October 7th attack, Israel vowed to exterminate every member of Hamas. Now Israel’s rapid progress in Gaza has American college protesters clarifying one of their chants.

“It was widely misreported,” a nervous Darrin Spellman said. “Some in the media actually thought we were saying,’We are Hamas.’ Can you imagine that? We were talking about hummus, not Hamas.”

Skeptical reporters insisted they heard the word Hamas.

“We were shouting, ‘We heart hummus,’” senior Susyn Mann said.

Mann had just replaced her keffiyeh with a scarf printed with peace symbols.

“We all just love the flavor of hummus and the spices, and the flavor…it’s good with…or all by itself.”

“Palestinians eat hummus and were just showing solidarity with hummus eaters,” Spellman said. “Definitely not with Hamas.”

“If you know anyone in the IDF could you let them know we were talking about hummus?” Mann said, scanning the sky for drones.