After reading a prepared statement about the historic importance of Independence Day, President Biden made some off the cuff remarks.

“Isn’t Independence Day the cat’s pajamas?” President Biden said. “And we’re so lucky that it falls on the 4th of July when everyone’s off so they can have picnics…….and…..and….I like ice cream. Can I have a turn on the crank?”

As his handlers tried to pull him away from the microphone, the President added.

“We used to play waffle ball, or hoopla ball…maybe it was stickball…whatever…and I was the best. I hit .400 and thought about turning pro. Anyway, I remember once hitting a fly and it bounced off the outhouse wall…which was still in bounds see, cause…anyway, to make a long story short…it was hot…and all the rest happened. And guess what? The other guy couldn’t hit .400. Not even .200.”

When the President resisted being led off stage, Dr. Jill Biden shook a box of Animal Crackers from off set and the President followed the sound.

As the President was assisted away, one of his handlers, Libby Rural, suggested that the President’s post speech comments not be reported.

“He has another cold, and he’s on cold medicine. A lot of it.”

When asked why they did not turn his mic off sooner, his handler explained.

“Yanking out the cord is kind of obvious, so CNN has agreed to loan us their microphone cutoff tech. We should get it soon.”

“Can’t be soon enough,” another handler mumbled.