After claiming he had a cold, was jet-lagged, and had over prepared, the President finally admits that his debate performance suffered because he stays up late to watch the Tonight Show.

“I should go to bed like at 8. That’s what Jill tells me. ‘Get some rest you’ve got the free world to run tomorrow.’ I think she’s joking but maybe not. Anyway. What was I saying. Oh, oh, yeah. I like to stay up late and get me a big bowl of chocolate chip ice cream and eat it while watching Jack Paar. Not a joke! It helps keep me sharp.”

When a reporter pointed out that Jack Paar died twenty years ago, the President was momentarily confused.

“Did I say Jack Paar? I meant Steve Allen.”

After a quick look at his gaggle of handlers, who were violently shaking their heads “NO,” the President stammered and then continued.

“Just joking. No, seriously, that Johnny Carson fellow is a real hoot.”

At that point the President’s microphone experienced a technical problem and Dr. Jill Biden came to lead the President off. As she did, the President got in one more line.

“I meant Jay Leno.”