After former President Trump’s wounding and miraculous survival, Democrats have begun circulating copies of Hal Lindsey’s The Late Great Planet Earth. A best seller in the 1970s, the book lays out key signs of the end times, including the rise of a “Beast” who will have a wound on his head that should have killed him.

“I always thought Bible prophecy was pablum for weak minds,” Astrologer Whimsy Wilhelm said. “But now I’m going to do a holistic workup of my stars. Maybe I missed something.”

“It’s nonsense,” Brody Lebowitz, owner of Feng Shui Designs said. “Someone told me the beast in the Bible is supposed to have seven heads, not one.”

When it was pointed out that Donald Trump is a real estate mogul, husband, father, author, TV star, golfer, and President, Lebowitz said, “Does anyone know where I can get a Bible? Anyone? What do you mean in a motel?”

At publishing time, Democrats were spreading the rumor that on page 666 of the 900 page Project 2025 is a proposal for universal digital currency to be accessed by tiny chips implanted in a finger tip.

As Democrats discover the rich and diverse world of Christianity, many are complaining. Angelica Christian, owner of a local marijuana retail outlet, is typical of those just discovering the largest religion in the world.

“Salvation, grace, eschatology, millennialism, and what’s with that John 3:16 I keep seeing at football games? Someone should have taught us this stuff when we were kids so we’d at least know what those Christians are talking about.”

At publishing time, The Late Great Planet Earth is once again on the best sellers list.