In anticipation of November’s presidential election, members of ANTIFA have begun preparation for the post election riots. Our reporter got a tour of one of their Portland “armories”, which was somebody’s basement.

“Don’t go to that side ’cause my mom’s got her preserves and jams and stuff there.”

Going by his ANTIFA name “Shatter,” our guide showed off his growing stockpile.

“Empty evian bottles for cement milkshakes there, energizer batteries for laser pointers there, new laser pointers there, and those are empty Starbucks’ Frappuccino bottles. We use them for small Molotov cocktails. Fits the hand better.

“Amazon delivered that pile of packages yesterday. It’s all Adidas black hoodies, but we’ve got Nike hoodies coming. The girls say they fit better. I got that stack of Keffiyehs on a Prime Day deal. Saved a bundle. We’ve got a few disposable phones but mostly soldiers have to bring their own. We all use Anti-Patriot mobile cause they donate 10% of their profit to ANTIFA, BLM , Hamas and others. I’ve got a few bricks in that corner, but mostly we have UPS deliver them to whatever block we’re protesting at.”

When asked what he would do with his supplies if the election goes the way ANTIFA wants, Shatter was clear.

“We don’t care who gets elected. It’s about tearing down the system, man! Life is unbearable in America because of all the corporations. Society needs to be destroyed and rebuilt from scratch.”

At that point the tour was interrupted when the basement door opened and Shatter’s mother shouted down the stairs.

“Sydney, move your bike. I’ve got to go to work.”

“It’s my new ride,” Shatter confided. “It’s a sweet Yamaha Supersport.”