Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle was widely criticized for claiming the roof of the building that President Trump’s would-be assassin used was too sloped to be safe for agents. However, as Cheatle elaborated, her decision made more sense.

“I have worked hard to diversify the Secret Service, and especially focussed on hiring more women.”

When asked how that is relevant, Cheatle replied, “We don’t guard any place where both male and female agents don’t feel equally safe. Have you ever tried to walk on a sloped roof in high heels?”

“Do women have to wear high heels?” Cheatle was asked.

“If they don’t, most female agents aren’t tall enough to protect the President with their bodies. The only other option is a constitutional amendment to limit how tall Presidents can be. Trump is too tall, but if Marco Rubio was President, our agents could wear flats.”

Cheatle also defended her DEI based hiring on changes in society.

“We’re actually running ahead of our changing society and 30% of all recruits are now female. That’s good, because they bring a female perspective to assessing the threat matrix. Unfortunately, I expected 30% of all lone wolf snipers would be women by now too and its still pretty much 100% wacko males.”

When asked for an evaluation of the performance of female agents, Cheatle was generally positive.

“Most of those we guard have no concerns, except for Mike Pence. He said he did not want a female agent to throw herself on top of him to stop a bullet unless his wife was present.”