“They ration eggs and what meat there is goes fast,” said Canadian marathoner” Lance Maplethorpe. “I can get carbs, but all the food is weird. I asked for a peanut butter sandwich and it came with Hollandaise sauce on top.”

“They promised they’re going to get more meat,” said South Sudan water polo player Peter Deng. “But they don’t have many cattle in Europe because they fart green house gas, so the meat comes from Australia. They said it’ll be here in about three weeks.”

Other athletes had similar complaints.

“I had to eat a bale of spinach just to get the iron I need,” said New Zealand gymnast ” Sophie Pasture. “I’m not #$%^#$ Popeye.”

Many athletes complained about having to eat a lot of beans to get protein.

“Navy beans, pinto beans, garbanzo beans, black beans; I’m sick of them,” complained American triathlete Troy Bilder. “Someone suggested eating tofu blocks but that turned out to be bean curd. And why were the cubes covered in piss sauce?”

While this reporter believes Bilder was referring to “pistou sauce,” it was unclear since it’s France and they don’t like Americans.

“Worse, is all the gas in the dorm,” Bilder continued. “I told my roommate to light a match but we can’t because the beds are cardboard.”