Having secured her party’s nomination for the presidency, V. P. Harris developed a short list of possible running mates. Things were going well until she began to meet with them individually.

“I really can’t leave Michigan,” Governor Gretchen Whitmer said, after spending time with Harris. “There’s things in Michigan I’ve got to do.”

When asked what “things?” Whitmer explained.

“You know. Things. And lots of them.”

Similarly, North Caroline Governor Roy Cooper pulled his name from consideration shortly after meeting with Harris.

“I was honored to be considered, but this just isn’t the right time for me. As Governor, there are things that have to be done.”

When asked what “things?” Cooper responded, “Well, like, a lot of people don’t even know there are two Carolinas. So, there’s that.”

Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear met with Harris and also declined to be her running mate.

“I promised my wife I’d paint the basement at our beach house,” Beshear explained. “So, regretfully, I can’t join the ticket.”

A source close to V. P. Harris reports that she is mystified by those dropping out.

“We had great chats, and I laughed and laughed, and showed them my collection of Venn diagrams,” Harris said. “Those were good times.”

While Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro was still willing to run with the V. P. after their meeting, Shapiro was judged to be “too Jewish” for the Democrat party, which is odd phrasing since Shapiro is 100% Jew.

Only Governor Walz of Minnesota had a positive reaction to meeting the Vice President in person.

“She’s too right wing for my taste,” Walz said, “but she has a delightful laugh that just charmed me into it.”

A source close to Walz later confided that Harris begged him to run with her or else she was going to get stuck with Pete Buttigieg. While sympathetic, Walz only agreed after Harris shared that she was scheduled for a cackle-ectomy.

That promise, and the fact that winters in Minnesota are horrible, got Walz to agreed to run.