From political experts to everyday citizens, everyone advised their preferred candidate to not be themselves in the debate.

President Trump was warned not to be prickly, pompous, or defensive, and Harris was warned to not attempt an unmemorized sentence, original thought, or to cackle.

Debate watchers believe V. P. Harris was the least authentic in the debate and therefore the winner.

“There was only appetizer sized word salads and she did a good job not answering the questions,” “independent” voter Lisa Wildo said. “I was worried when she giggled as Trump talked about immigrants eating pets, but she quickly stifled her laugh. Now if she could just get rid of that nasal voice.”

Trump supporters we spoke to reluctantly agreed that Harris won the debate. Mason Dixon’s comments were typical of Republicans who watched.

“When she sidestepped explaining the mess on the border, and then talked about the size of his rally crowds I was screaming at the TV, leave it, leave it, but he couldn’t.”

When asked about the performance of the moderators there was no agreement.

“Very balanced,” said Wildo.

“Incredibly biased,” said Dixon.

When asked about who he thought the winner of the debate was, undecided swing-state voter Sam Weiss replied, “There was a debate? Like, between whoever’s running for President?”