Political Reporter Irma Follower was in a coma after a car accident in early July. When she woke eight weeks later she was shocked to find President Biden had dropped out of the race because he was senile, and was replaced at the top of the ticket by his Vice President.

“But Biden was at the top of his game,” Follower said when told he stepped aside. “And before I had my accident Kamala was the worst Vice President in history. Did she suddenly start making sense while I was out?”

After meeting with her publisher, and Democrat operatives, Follower’s thinking improved.

“Now I can see it,” Follower said. “Biden’s just as sharp as ever but just like George Washington he stepped aside for the good of his party.”

After a quick whisper from her publisher, Follower corrected herself.

“I mean he stepped aside for the good of the country, not the party.”

Follower had a little more difficulty understanding how Kamala Harris became the standard bearer.

“Were there primaries or something?” Follower asked. “No? Well, I guess she was just a diamond in the rough.”

After Follower was reminded that Trump is still running for reelection, her thinking improved even more.

“Yes, Harris is amazing. She’s the leader we’ve all been waiting for.”

When told that J. D. Vance was Trump’s running mate, Follower was temporarily elated.

“I loved Hillbilly Elegy. Vance had the kind of life experiences that will make him a good Vice President.”

After another whispered consult with her publisher, Follower clarified.

“At least Vance would if he wasn’t such a weird extremist.”

When she heard that Haitians were eating cats in Springfield, Follower begged to be put back in a coma.