A recent think-tank study identified key skills for being a successful President. The top three involved trust, excellent communication skills, and the ability to understand and apply data.

“Kamala has all three of those,” Harris Campaign spokesperson Bindy Binder said. “Especially that data one. She loves Venn diagrams.”

Former President Trump assured reporters that he is excellent with data. “I’m a thousand percent better with data than Kommie Kamala,” Trump said. “Best ever, actually.”

When asked about her communication skills Harris made her case.

“Communication is about communicating to the community. That’s why it’s called community-cation. Kay? To be honest, my mother was a communicator. She talked a lot actually, ha, ha, ha.”

When asked about his communication skills, Donald Trump defended them.

“Best communicator ever. Look at my crowds. They love me. You think they’re coming for the hot dogs? Do we serve hot dogs? Probably not made from real dogs. I call those Haitian dogs. What about Joe? I call him Forgetful Joe. Can’t remember what he had for breakfast. Probably a cat.”

Candidates also assured Americans that they can engender trust.

“Look, if someone can’t trust me, I fire them,” Trump said. “They either trust me or they lose their job. So, trust me or bye-bye.”

After Harris explained that trust is important to trusting, and that Americans can trust her, she was asked whether the fact that 85% of her staff had turned over indicated lack of trust?

“I’m glad you asked that,” Harris said. “To be direct, I used to work at McDonalds. Kay? I started out in french fries. Then I worked the register. So I was trusted. They don’t let people who just fell out of a coconut tree take orders!”

When asked, Harris still cannot remember which McDonald’s she worked at.

Fourth on the list of key skills, was Emotional Intelligence, so no reporters bothered to ask about that.