While most fans consider the new kickoff format boring, the NFL is committed to gentling the game of football and making it more inclusive. To this end, here are some of the proposed changes to football terminology.

The Chain Gang – This sounds racist and the name change is long overdue.

New: Measurement People

Throwing A Bomb – Too violent and disrespectful of Palestinians who live under Israeli occupation.

New: A Long Throw

Any Given Sunday – Too religious and ignores the breadth of football.

New: Any Given Day Of The Week Except Tuesday And Wednesday

Audible – Insensitive. Not everyone is hearing abled.

New: Late Instructions to Players (LISP). This one may need more work.

Blitz – Another violent term and it stereotypes Germans who might buy season tickets when the NFL places teams in Europe.

New: Big Rush

Bootleg – Alcohol reference. There are already enough drunken brawls in the stands.

New: Hide-a-ball

Gunslinger – The NRA has to love this one. Enough said.

New: Good Passer

Hail Mary – Another religious reference. Atheists buy jerseys too. Duh!

New: A Four Leaf Clover

Icing the Kicker – Last gasp of climate change deniers trotting out the fact that in the 1970s scientists were convinced we were on the verge of an ice age. Today’s scientists are smarter.

New: Nervousing The Kicker