Too anxious to wait a month after the election for the final vote tally? These signs tell you what insiders already know. Donald Trump will be President again.

CNN IS HIRING – The lowest rated news network is hiring back some of it laid off staff, anticipating increased ratings now that the evilest man in the world is coming back.

KEFFYEHS – BLM and ANTIFA are buying keffyehs in bulk. Sales of black hoodies and Hamas flags are also in high demand, although that may because American universities are back in session.

THE POLLS – Trump isn’t as far behind in the polls as he used to be. And the polls are biased anyway.

STARBUCKS BARISTA SHORTAGE – Caused by CNN hiring back some of its staff.

KNUCKLEHEAD – Tim Walz has secretly formed an exploratory committee for his run for President. Reportedly, his campaign slogan will be “#2 for President.”

NANCY PELOSI – The former Speaker of the House is already hard at work preparing articles of impeachment.

Trust these signs and relax until Nov. 6 when the campaigns for 2028 begin.