After creating sexier names for weather like “bomb cyclone, “polar vortex,” and “firenado,” now the National Weather Service is renaming full moons to draw more clicks and eyeballs.

“Beaver Moon and Hunter’s Moon just don’t relate to modern culture,” NWS spokesperson Frosty Mornings said. “We had a lot of success with atmospheric lake and heat whiplash, so now we’re renaming full moons.”

Here are the new names for each month’s full moon in 2025. (old name)

January (Wolf Moon) – Florida Moon. It’s only snowy in the north, suckers. This moon is sponsored by the Florida Tourism Board.

February (Snow Moon) – Prozac Moon. President’s Day is not enough of a break for this dreary month. And don’t get me started on that stupid groundhog seeing his shadow stuff. And what are singles supposed to do on Valentine’s day? And by the way, the only valentine I ever got as a kid was from my mother!

March (Worm Moon) – Party Hardy Moon. The month is all about Spring Break, Bros.

April (Pink Moon) – Taxes Moon. It’s a reminder to do your civic duty, or else.

May (Flower Moon) – Flower Moon. No one wanted to mess with the optimism of this full moon’s name.

June (Strawberry Moon) – LGBTQ+ Moon. Because the gay/lesbian/bisexual, etc., community does not get enough attention.

July (Buck Moon) – Fingers Awareness Moon. A reminder of the danger of playing with firecrackers.

August (Sturgeon Moon) – Caviar Moon. Eating sturgeon eggs is classier than eating prehistoric fish fillets. Sponsored by Imperial Caviar.

September (Harvest Moon) – FLU Moon. A reminder to get your flu shots as well as the most recent COVID vaccine. Sponsored by Pfizer.

October (Hunter’s Moon) – Peanut the Squirrel’s Moon. People will be asked to pause under Peanut’s Moon, and remember the squirrel who was a victim of institutional squirrel racism. For a moment under this moon, let us all be Peanut the Squirrel. (No, Fred the Raccoon is not getting a Moon, so don’t ask)

November (Full Beaver Moon) – Mike Tyson Full Moon. Named in honor of Mike Tyson’s fight against Jake Paul and the only memorable moment.

December (Cold Moon) – Holiday Moon. A majority of the naming committee wanted to name this full moon after a religious holiday. However, to avoid offending someone somewhere, the NWS adopted the generic option. (an’tcay aysay istmaschray)

Since naming full moons proved to be profitable, each year the NWS will auction the naming rights to individuals and corporations. The first bid for 2026 is in and from Elon Musk who wants to name all 12 full moons “X “moons.