MLB owners are discussing a rule change called the “Golden At-Bat” rule, that would allow managers to send their best hitter to the plate, regardless of lineup or pinch hitting rules.

“The game’s tied. Who do you want to see at bat, the player 9th in the batting order, or Shohei Ohtani?” MLB spokesperson Pete Cobb said. “Imagine the excitement if you never know when Ohtani, Aaron Judge, or Marcel Ozuna suddenly pop up to bat!”

Cobb also revealed there are a number of other rule changes being considered, all of which will boost attendance and ratings. Here are the most likely changes.

OVEN MITTS RULE – If a game goes to extra innings, fielders will wear oven mitts instead of baseball mitts. (Try catching a line drive now! More scoring, better ratings.)

1-2-3 GO RULE – First Basemen must count to three in Spanish before they can step on the bag (Promotes equity and bilingualism. Even slow white guys have a chance of getting to first.)

THIRD BASE FOOLS – If a team is more than five runs behind, the third baseman is allowed to pick up the base and run around, forcing an advancing runner to chase him down to tag the base and be safe. (These zany hijinks will be a crowd pleaser.)

SUDDENLY CRICKET – Trailing teams will be allowed to invoke the “Cricket” rule. For one inning, hitters will score unlimited runs by running back and forth between home and first base carrying their bat. (It’s what made cricket so popular.)

CLOWN SHOES – At the beginning of any inning, if a team is more than 5 runs behind, it can require the players on the opposing team to wear clown shoes and red noses. (This will neutralize talent differences and would be really funny to watch.)

BACKWARDS TRIPLE SCORE – If a player runs from third base to home backwards without being put out, the player scores three runs. (Rule is suspended during Clown Shoes innings for safety reasons; even though it would be super funny).

At publication time, the creators of Banana Ball were threatening to sue MLB for stealing their idea of adding stupid rules to make baseball more interesting.