Never know what to get friends and family for Christmas? Here’s what meridian-street.com found on celebrity Christmas lists.

PEANUT THE SQUIRREL’S FORMER OWNER: A new baby squirrel. It turns out that a squirrel in a cowboy hat gets more clicks than me and the wife doing nasties.

HUNTER BIDEN: A post-dated pardon, ’cause I’ve got a New Year’s Eve party planned that will put P-Diddy’s parties to shame. BYOB (Bring your own baby oil).

KAMALA HARRIS: One of those electric wine bottle openers because my carpal tunnel syndrome is killing me.

ELON MUSK: MSNBC. Go ahead Comcast, spin it off and make my day.

STUCK ASTRONAUT SUNI WILLIAMS: To not have to look at his face ever again. And a change of underwear.

STUCK ASTRONAUT BUTCH WILMORE: To not have to look at her face ever again. And a transfer from Boeing to Space X.

JAPAN’S JAXA (i.e. NASA): Another crack at landing a probe on the moon. This time with “This Side Up” stenciled on the top.

THREE MILE ISLAND EMPLOYEES: As they reopen, this time employees want to get super powers instead of cancer.

MOO DENG: “Is it too much to ask for a little privacy?” the baby hippo begs. “I feel like I’m trapped on the Truman Show.”

CHAIRMAN XI JINPING: Competent American snipers.

VLADIMIR PUTIN: Non-opening windows for the third floor of my palace.

Remember to practice your “I love it” face before you open your gifts.

Merry Christmas.