House of Representatives investigators have traced the leak of a confidential ethics report on Matt Gaetz, Trump’s first nominee for Secretary of Defense, back to Susan Wild, the ranking Democrat on the Committee.

When Wild’s actions came to light, politicians, celebrities, and even corporations issued statements.

President Biden – “She swore she wouldn’t leak documents when she joined the committee. If you say you won’t do something, you can’t then go ahead and do it or you’re a lying dog faced pony soldier.”

Boeing – “Without ethical behavior, people can die. We should know.”

Supreme Court Justice Sonja Sotomayor – “We can’t have people leaking information just to serve a political purpose, like I definitely didn’t do with the Dobbs decision.”

George Santos – “I know Matt from our days together working at Goldman Sachs, and later flying X-wing fighters, and I can vouch for his character.”

Hillary Clinton – “I recommend seizing Wild’s computers before she can use BleachBit and a hammer to destroy evidence.”

New York State Department Of Environmental Conservation – “Representative Wild’s squirrelly Ethics Committee behavior suggests she may have rabies. Give the word and we’ll confiscate her.”

Sean “Diddy” Combs – “At least I never leaked a confidential document.”

Hunter Biden – “At least I never leaked a confidential document. And if I did it would be covered by my sweet, sweet, pardon.”

A.O.C. – “Extremism in the defense of Socialism is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of Trump is no virtue. Wild is brat!”

Kamala Harris – Would I have to move to Pennsylvania to get Wild’s seat? And, do they have vineyards in Pennsylvania?