Per tradition, President Biden left a letter for the incoming President in the Oval Office desk. President Trump called it “a really nice letter.” However, that letter was not Biden’s first attempt.

A janitor cleaning the Oval Office recovered 9 balled up drafts of the letter in a waste basket. In exchange for a subscription to meridian-street.com, the janitor turned the letters over to us.*

Here are the first drafts.

Dear President Poopy-head….

Dear New President: Do you know how to keep an idiot busy? (Over)

Dear Donald: You suck but your wife is really hot….

Dear Mr. President: If I was senile coulda I have written this letter, Jack? I’m not foolin around. That “Old Joe’s confused” stuff is malarky. If you see me coming you better cross the street. Which street? Whatever one you’re walking down!!!

Dear Mr. 45 & 47: Do you know what you get when you subtract 45 from 47? Number 2. And that’s what you are. Get it?

Dear President Trump: There is a secret compartment in this desk. To get the combination you need to steal the Declaration of Independence…

Dear Donald Trump: Based on my experience, I would advise you to never trust your Vice President. Or the Speaker of the House. But you can always trust CNN to have your back…

Dear Trump: I licked the paper you are holding…

Dear Mr. President: I am missing a sock. It never came back from the wash. If you find a sock that has Kermit The Frog on it, it is mine. But only if it is a left sock…

At publishing time, those draft letters were on their way to the Smithsonian.

*Yes, we feel bad that we snookered the janitor. There is no charge for a subscription to meridian-street.com.