Arguing that the Federal government is bloated, spends wastefully, and on weird stuff, President Trump paused some federal funding pending a review. In response, groups dependent on federal funds have banded together and sued to keep the funds flowing.

“Without our Sesame Street clone how will Iraqi children learn about inclusion and climate change?” Producer Sim Salabim, asked?

Similarly, Robin Bobkins, President of the Washington D.C. Capitol Birders, was left in tears when he heard that his $300,000 grant to promote diversity among bird watchers was frozen.

“How are we going to get more black and Native American bird watchers without that money?” Bobkins sobbed.

The hue and cry came from near and far.

In Bemidji Minnesota, the gay men’s chorus, Ice Queens, had to freeze rehearsals for its spring production of Cats.

“What are we going to tell the people of Duluth, Biwawik and Red Wing?” Director, Dwayne Vermillion said. “Without our show, there’s nothing else to do there. Literally.”

In Portland Oregon there was widespread concern that funding for the latest study of replacing the I-5 bridge between Portland and Vancouver was in danger.

“The last study brought in $200 million,” Bridget Planner said. The one before that $150 million. Same with the one before that.”

Planner is spokesperson for the consortium of bridge designers who specialize in taking government money for engineering, architectural, environmental, and DEI impact studies, but not actually building bridges.

“That’s the beauty of our industry,” Planner said. “Paying us generates economic activity without actually having to move any dirt around. We’re environmentally friendly.”

Shortly before publication it was discovered that meridian-street’s $2 million NEA grant to “Improve Our Jokes For the Good of the Country,” has been frozen. So, we now believe President Trump is an out of control tyrant.

Thankfully, a random judge somewhere issued an injunction stopping Trump’s budget cuts. Minutes later, deficit spending resumed at a frenetic pace.