When President Trump issued his order to end the minting of the penny, he did so in his usual autocratic way. While the ban will save $80 million a year for taxpayers, the move devastated the souvenir penny smashing industry.

Shortly after the reckless executive action, Troy Copperpot, the President of the Penny Machine Manufacturers Association (PMMA), found a federal judge in rural Delaware eager to issue a nationwide Temporary Restraining Order, forcing the continued minting of pennies.

“We only have two companies in the PMMA, but our livelihood depends on pennies,” Copperpot said. “The only other gold colored coin is the Sacagawea dollar, and we’re pretty sure that smashing an Indian flat will look racist or something. Maybe we can do it after another five years of inflation when the dollar is the new penny. Maybe.”

The Delaware based Federal Judge, Winter Mint, who forced continued penny production, is a Biden appointee. While denying any conflict of interest, a review of the Judge’s social media revealed that his hobbies are, “braiding his Shih Tzu’s hair, vegan cooking, and collecting “smashed penny souvenirs.” Judge Mint is especially proud of the jewel of his collection.

“I have one of the rare Kathleen Kennedy smashed pennies,” Judge Mint wrote. “The machines were in Star Wars: Galaxy Edge at Disneyland, but only for a short time. The press put Kennedy’s face on a penny with an X-wing fighter in the background.”

An internet search revealed that Kennedy was the head of Lucasfilm when the last three Star Wars movies were produced. Kennedy’s penny presses were withdrawn because no matter how shiny the penny was that went into her machine, it always came out tarnished.*

Trump’s lawyers immediately appealed for relief from the TRO and Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez filed a “friend of the court” brief supporting the continued production of the penny.

“This is going to kill children,” Congresswoman A.O.C. said. “Without the penny smashers children will start hanging around railroad tracks and put stuff on the rails to satisfy their smashing urges. I thought Trump was supposed to be pro life.”

Having expressed her concern for the safety of America’s youth, A.O.C., then continued her advocacy for puberty blockers and trans surgery for children.

*Note: Yes, it’s a long way to go for a Star Wars joke, but the editorial staff thought it was worth it.