When the Oregon Health Authority’s Consumer Advisory Council convened its first meeting, one of the members declared, “I use they, them and turtle for my pronouns.”

While panel members initially showed surprise at the presence of a xenogender member, it is not clear why since it is Oregon.

As members worked with their turtle colleague, issues soon arose. Here are the top ten problems with their human-turtle colleague.

1. Always late to the meetings.

2. Snaps at other members.

3. Tendency to eat cockroaches as a snack.

4. Sits under a heat lamp at meetings because they’s cold blooded.

5. Keeps challenging board member Jessie Rabbit to a race.

6. Overpowering smell of turtle wax that they use as an essential oil.

7. Uncanny resemblance to Mitch McConnell is distracting.

8. Likes to fall on they’s back and then pretend they can’t get up.

9. Pulls they’s head into they’s hoody during difficult discussions.

10. Is a huge Maryland Terrapins fan and pushes members to pick Maryland all through their NCAA basketball bracket when everyone knows Duke is going to win it all.

*Hat tip to Paul