While many mocked the Blue Origin Flight with Katy Perry and five other women as a “ride,” there are actually rigorous standards to meet before joining a flight crew.

Many critics have pointed out that these criteria are blatantly discriminatory. Here are Blue Origin’s unreasonable expectations and the people who are unfairly excluded.

• Be able to hear and understand instructions in English – 10 million people who crossed the border in the last 4 years.
• Be able to follow instructions – Every man given a grocery list by his wife.
• Can tolerate 5.5 gs during launch – The stars of My 600 lb Life and former NJ governor Chris Christie.
• Sit with a seatbelt on for 40-90 minutes – Wiggly 4 year-olds.
• Be able to spend 40-90 minutes with five other people – All thinking people if the other four astronauts are the cast of The View.
• Be able to not go to the bathroom for up to 90 minutes – Virtually all old men, except elderly trans men since they don’t have a prostate gland.

When boarding, Blue Origin also requires “crew” to walk past a sign that measures height. Anyone whose head does not reach the line cannot fly. Standing on tippy toes is strictly forbidden.

Meridian-street.com has learned that Blue Origin has temporarily removed the height line sign since the next singer/celebrity to get launched into space is Ariana Grande and you have to be at least a venti to fly.

Unconfirmed rumors are that Grande will one-up Katy Perry who sang What a Wonderful World on her flight, by singing Defying Gravity from the movie Wicked. Grande will also show a trailer for the sequel, Wicked For Good, on her cell phone while in flight.

Wicked For Good will be in theaters Nov. 21.*

*meridian-street.com received no promotional consideration for this plug but is open to it.