Averaging nearly 60 bills per legislator, Oregon set a record for introducing bills during a single legislative session.

“Yay, team,” Governor Kotek said. “It’s because of our new incentive system. State Representatives get $500 for each bill they introduce and State Senators get $500 plus a $20 Starbucks gift card, since senators are more important.”

When asked if increasing the number of laws is the best way to address Oregon’s problems, Kotek was adamant.

“Absolutely! For example, in recent years we’ve been increasing taxes on businesses to pay for more government, but we aren’t getting the revenue we expected because businesses are leaving the state. To fill the gap we need to increase taxes on the remaining businesses.”

Kotek beamed with pride when she finished her answer, and local reporters nodded their heads enthusiastically like bobbleheads.

“Another example is funding for homeless services. Every session we give hundreds of millions to our counties, cities, and NGOs to reduce the number of homeless but still the numbers keep growing. We just need another hundred million or two and that should take care of it.”

Again the gathered reporters bobbled their heads enthusiastically.

To better understand what problems the record number of bills address, meridian-street.com sorted them into categories. The 3500 bills break down this way:

3,496 – Revenue enhancement (i.e. raise taxes so legislatures won’t have to make tough budget decisions).

1 – Makes gun ownership punishable by death. Currently still in committee since intransient radicals want to substitute life in prison for the death penalty.

1 – Prevents parents from knowing what is being taught in public schools. It is too time consuming for educators to explain to parents why they are idiots. 

1 – Lets California make all legislative decisions for Oregon. This will increase Oregon’s government efficiency by ending the need for Oregon’s legislature to rubber stamp California policies.

1 – Sets aside a billion dollars so the state can join every lawsuit opposing whatever the Trump administration is doing.

A proposal to limit legislators to 25 bills per session was immediately condemned as anti American. Soon, 18 bills to guarantee unlimited law writing for legislators were introduced.

At publication time, state representatives introduced the “Caffeine Fairness” bill, which would require the Governor to also give them a $20 Starbucks gift card for each bill they introduce.