Finding that the cost of reopening Alcatraz was prohibitive, President Trump issued a new executive order. Now, the worst of the worst illegal immigrants will be fitted with Sentinel* ankle monitors and then dropped in the Tenderloin District.

“See, I’m nice,” Trump said. “Who says I’m not nice? I’m the nicest. Cageless prison. Just like the chickens. Not The Rock. Just gonna let those lowlifes live in the mess they made. Probably get killed, but not my problem. Greatest country ever. Greatest President ever. Amirite?”

When it was pointed out that forcing someone to live in that part of San Francisco could be considered cruel and unusual punishment, Trump scoffed.

“Some judge’s panties will get bunched for sure,” Trump said. “But hey, what are they complaining about. It’s either San Fran or El Sal. Choose. Maybe roll a die. Even and it’s the Tenderloin. Odd and its off to Tecoluca. I like saying that. Teek-coe-luke-ahh. Sounds nice. Could be a game show maybe.”

Predictably, an immigrant rights group found a U.S. District Judge to issue a stay on Trump’s new plan.

“Clearly, since businesses and people are fleeing that part of San Francisco, it is not a fit place to live,” Judge Fanny Tasteek said. “And a clear violation of the Constitution.”

Instead of release into the badlands of San Francisco, Judge Tasteek ordered that the prisoners be housed in a Super 8 or a Motel 6, which are just above the cruel and unusual punishment line.

At publication time, J. D. Vance was in Hollywood circulating a script he wrote called “Escape From San Francisco.”

*meridian-street.com received no compensation for this product placement, but we are open to it.