Known in China as “The Party’s school,” Harvard University has been criticized for educating thousands of Chinese undergraduate and graduate students over several decades.

“We would not be as close to world domination as we are without Harvard,” Chinese leader Xi Jinping said. “Everything we know about currency manipulation, patent law loopholes, and copyright neutering, we learned from our Harvard comrades.”

For senior Chinese bureaucrats and postgraduate students, Harvard University is considered the top “party school” outside the country, although other Ivy League schools are acceptable.

“At first I thought it would be hard to adjust to free speech and democracy,” Harvard Law student Xiao Wang said. “But it turns out the faculty believe the same things that the glorious leaders of our Politburo believe. Harvard is just like being in a reeducation camp back home.”

Recently, Secretary of State Marco Rubio announced that U.S. authorities would tighten criteria for visa applications from Chinese nationals.

“Why are we educating the leaders of a nation that seeks to destroy us?” Rubio asked. “Does Harvard really need to turn down American applicants to give coveted slots to the Chinese?”

Fearing the loss of revenue from full pay Chinese students, Harvard has agreed to a compromise. They will continue admitting Chinese students, but they will be limited to majoring in Gender and Sexuality or Diversity Studies.

“No one with those majors will make a significant contribution to their society,” Dean of Diversity, Dan D. Lion said. “Better yet, those graduates will probably create DEI programs, and force their culture to revise their language, rewrite their laws, and eat up a lot of capital in lawsuits.”

Insiders report that President Trump supports Harvard’s strategy.

“Chinese DEI will be just like that virus they uploaded to the mother ship in Independence Day,” Trump said. “Destroyed the bad guy aliens. And gals. Whatever. Beautiful. I love it. But not the sequel. Independence 2 or whatever. Not so good.”

At publication time there was a push to add Sociology to the majors the Chinese would be allowed to take.

“That major’s never done any society any good either,” Dean Lion said.