Citing high certainty, U.S. intelligence agencies have issued statements assuring Trump supporters that the B-2 strikes on Iran completely, beautifully, and certainly, destroyed the deeply buried nuclear enrichment facilities at Fordow.

Also with high certainty, U.S. intelligence agents have leaked a report assuring Trump critics that the B-2 strikes on Iran, completely failed to destroy the deeply buried nuclear enrichment facilities at Fordow.

“You can see by the holes in the ground that the bombs penetrated exactly where they were targeted,” an intelligence analyst said. “Ka-boom. Bye, bye centrifuges.”

“You can see that there are holes in the ground but nothing else,” a different intelligence analyst leaked. “No big, badda, boom. Why isn’t there a crater? Total failure.”

The intelligence agencies reporting, or leaking, were the same agencies that asserted Iraq had WMDs and that Hunter’s laptop was a Russian disinformation campaign.

In related news, recently released JFK assassination records confirmed that Oswald either acted alone, or as part of a conspiracy.

At press time, a U.S. intelligence agency confirmed that there is a conspiracy among WNBA players to injure Caitlin Clark, while another intelligence agency leaked that the idea that Clark is being targeted has all hallmarks of an Iranian disinformation campaign.