Like other big, blue, cities, Portland’s city core has experienced a decline in the quality of life, and the flight of both people and businesses.

However, after the reelection of Donald Trump, protests started again and surviving businesses experienced an injection of cash from activists.

Small business owners claim that the “No Kings” crowd came to protest but also stayed to shop and dine. For example, the owner of a marijuana store was even higher than normal after the No Kings protest.

“It was amazing,” Skylar Walker said. “I sold almost as much as the street dealers.”

Meanwhile, Portland’s Mayor was mystified by why Portland had declined under liberal rule.

“We tried legalizing drugs, firing a bunch of cops, coddling shoplifters, becoming a sanctuary city, and raising taxes to some of the highest in the country,” Portland’s Mayor said. “I mean who knew those policies wouldn’t make Portland attractive?”

“Most people,” a reporter mumbled.

At publishing time, inside sources report that Portland’s mayor has secretly reached out to the Trump administration to encourage more imperial executive orders in the hopes of more protests.

“If only I.C.E. would round up a granny or two,” the Mayor confided. “We really need those protesters and their cash.”