Producers at Dateline have notified staff of potential layoffs because they are running out of murders to feature on their show.

“There’s just too much competition from streaming and especially podcasts,” producer Dee Prest said. “I mean Chicago should be the gift that keeps on giving, but gang members killing each other just doesn’t draw eyeballs like a dentist poisoning his wife, or someone chopping up grandma so they can inherit the house.”

Similarly, Beri Scari, host of Murder Mondays, the popular true crime podcast, complained about the murder shortage.

“Everyone is doing crime stuff now,” Scari said. “Our sweet spot has been unsolved gruesome murders but there’s like a hundred podcasts poaching my territory now. Unless we get a murder wave, I may have to get my job back at the nail salon.”

When asked how NBC plans to keep Dateline going, Scari confided that they are exploring the idea of expanding into mysterious pet deaths.

“There’s a lucrative niche with cat ladies and people with fur babies, and the first into that market will make the most money,” Scari said.

In related news, meridian-street.com will soon be launching a podcast focussed on pet hit and runs, and the devastating effects on pet partners when their Fluffy gets squashed. The podcast will be more sensitive than this announcement, if our one female writer ever gets back from family leave.