Sticking to his principles, Cyrus Buggywhip continues his refusal to sing during worship until his church switches back to singing hymns. His protest is now in its third decade.

“They try to fool us once in a while by sticking in part of a hymn but then it always turns into a 7-11 song,” Buggywhip said.

Buggywhip explained that a 7-11 song is a one where “There are just seven words but you sing them eleven times.”

Buggywhip insists that his voice will not join the congregational singing until he is holding a hymnal in his hand.

“If it’s projected on the wall, it ain’t a hymn,” Buggywhip said.

While visiting Buggywhip’s church, he was frequently observed tapping his foot during singing, and clapped with the congregation.

“Clapping ain’t singing,” Buggywhip said. “So, I haven’t broken my vow.”

As for the toe tapping, Buggywhip gave just a bit of ground.

“Okay, some of those melodies are kind of catchy, but real hymns have like five or six versus and go somewhere. Not just in a circle.”

Buggywhip had other demands as well:

Replace the rock band with Mrs. Oldfield who used to the play the organ, if she’s still alive.

Sell the LCD projectors that now hang from the ceiling.

Bring back real hymnals; “The kind that are so heavy the elderly can’t hold them through seven verses of ‘Oh For A Thousand Tongues To Sing.’ Now that’s worship.”

Bring back the pews, especially the one that had the brass plaque that read, “Donated by the Buggywhip Family.”

Make holding hands with strangers during prayer optional.

Switch back to the sourdough bread they used to use for communion. “That was pretty good and made you want seconds.”

Buggywhip had other concerns about the last two-decades of worship, that were not part of his protest.”

“When we read Scripture everyone just looks at their phone. Does anyone own a real Bible anymore?”