First Lady Melania Trump has threatened to sue Hunter Biden after he claimed that Jeffrey Epstein hooked her up with now President Donald Trump.

The First Lady asserts that the claim is “false, defamatory, disparaging, and inflammatory,” and is demanding $1 billion in reparations and punitive damages.

Meridian-street.com has learned that there are back-channel negotiations going on to settle the dispute.

Hunter’s initial offer was to give Melania three of his paintings to cover the damages, however, since their value is so great, he wants change in cocaine.

While Hunter did not specifically use the word “cocaine” in his offer, he did ask to have a baggy of white powder that he left in the White House returned.

When Melania rejected Hunter’s initial offer, he followed up with other settlement options.

Hook her up with some Ukrainians in the natural gas business.

Teach her how to finger paint.

Marry her if she dumps Trump.

Set up a “Foundation” in her name like the Clinton Foundation, so she can get other people to pay for her lavish lifestyle.

Get Vogue to stop blacklisting her, and put her on the cover like every other First Lady.

Okay, 4 paintings and no change.

When President Biden was asked about the lawsuit, he replied, “Is it time for ice cream?”