Psychologists nationwide are reporting record numbers of clients seeking help to deal with an epidemic of cognitive dissonance.

“I’ve been flooded with progressives who suddenly realized that a federal takeover of policing is consistent with their socialist views,” said Dr. Sigmund Noodle. “Frankly, I’m dealing with a bit of that myself.”

One progressive seeking psychological care, who preferred to remain anonymous, explained her dilemma.

“Federal retirement program, check. Federal control of education, check. Federal healthcare, check. Federal control of media, check. Federal control of the environment, check. We’ve made so much progress on all of these and you know that things always get better when Washington D.C. takes over, but fighting crime? That’s fascism. Arrgh!”

When confronted with the possibility of suffering from TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome), the anonymous patient vehemently rejected the idea before she slipped into a slobbering rage and began singing a political song she just made up.

For this article, our meridian-street.com reporter could not find conservatives who sought professional help in reconciling their belief in states rights with flooding Washington D.C. with the National Guard, however, neighborhood bars were full of them.

“We should put more troops in other American cities,” Biff Redneek said. “It’s just temporary till they can get the crime under control.”

When Redneek was confronted with the fact that federal troops were still in Korea, Europe, and Japan, he had a typical response.

“Gimmee another beer, but not a Bud Light.”

At publication time, our reporter had not found a conservative psychologist to balance the article, because, apparently, they do not exist.