Educators in the Estacada Oregon School District monitored with alarm the rise in temperatures on the first day of school and then made the decision to release the students 2 hours early.

“It was like watching climate change right before our very eyes,” Principal Vera Lax said.

When it was pointed out that it was only 76F when students were released, Lax justified the District’s decision.

“But it was on the way to 87F!”

District Superintendent Ben Nana was later questioned why sports practices were not cancelled if it was too hot to go to class.

“We’re in a very competitive league,” Nana replied. “And the coaches didn’t want to cut practice and I’m afraid of them.”

One of the many parents who had to leave work unexpectedly to pick up her children had recently moved to Oregon from Phoenix and was shocked by the early release.

“What a bunch of wusses! This would be a cold front in Phoenix.”

A teacher who requested anonymity out of fear of union retribution said, “Geez, it’s not that hot. I had the kids make fans out of paper folded accordion style and popsicle sticks. They loved it.”

Several of the teachers meridian-street.com spoke to were happy with the early release because it gave them more time to prepare. After months of vacation and several days of paid prep time, they claimed that they needed more time to get ready to teach the same stuff they taught last year.

No children were available to comment on being rescued from the killing heat, since they were all outside playing.