With the growth of the Muslim population in Minnesota, remaining Minnesota Christians have decided to take a page from the Muslim playbook and announced that they would be putting loudspeakers in their church steeples and call Christians to prayer six times a day which is one more than what Muslims do.

“Hey, we’re a bigger religion in America, or at least we were,” Pastor Justin Robbins said.

Robbins leads the Faith Community Fellowship, a progressive non denominational church.

“Our plan is to use the speakers to call Christians who choose to, to pray, meditate, or keep people in need in their thoughts, six times a day. That should put butts back in the chairs in our flex-space gathering hall.”

When it was pointed out that his “gathering hall” did not have a steeple, Robbins had a plan.

“We lease part of our lot to a cell tower so we’re going to put the speakers on that,” Robbins said. “It’s our main source of income.”

While most of Minneapolis’s progressive ministers supported the plan, some of the more orthodox pastors were skeptical.

“We can’t even ring our bell because of noise ordinances,” Reverend Paul Paulson said.

Just as he spoke, the Muslim call to prayer began, drowning out the rest of what he was going to say.

When the Christian call to prayer plan was taken to the Minneapolis City Council for approval, it was voted down.

“It would just be a public nuisance and a way to foist unwanted religious practices on the public,” said City Council member Mohammed Omar.

Meanwhile, in Portland, which copies whatever other liberal cities do, the plan to allow public calls to prayer hit a snag because one of the calls is supposed to happen, “when the night sky appears.” However, in Portland, rain clouds block the night sky from November through March.