Demonstrating the prowess of engineers in China, Apple proudly introduced the thinnest iPhone yet. At the introduction, Apple not only touted the slim shape but also the virtually friction free surface.

Then, as spokesperson Sky Hipryce took the new iPhone out of its box, he nearly dropped the phone, engaging in a brief impromptu juggling routine as he tried to get a grip on the phone.

“Seems a bit slippery,” a reporter commented.

“A bit,” Hipryce conceded. “You might want to get a pair of those silicone gloves NFL receivers wear. You know, the ones that let them catch a football with nothing but a finger tip.”

When asked if customers want a thousand dollar phone that is that slippery, Hipryce had an answer.

“Because it’s a 17.”

To get an objective measure of how slippery the iPhone 17 actually is, meridian-street.com turned to science and had the noted expert in slipperiness, Les Careful, Ph.D., study the surface.

“On the ten point WBS scale (Wet Bar of Soap) the iPhone 17 scores 9.3, just below the 9.5 of Sean “Diddy” Combs at a baby oil orgy,” Careful reported.

Hipryce also conceded that the thinness of the new phone actually made it more likely to break.

“I wouldn’t want one in my back pocket when I sat down,” Hipryce said. “The best solution is to buy a nice thick case for your phone to protect it.”

“Why create a thin phone if you have to put it in a thick case,” a reporter asked?

“The coolness is still there, it’s just inside the case,” Hipryce said.

“So if the phone needs to be in a case, why does it come in a variety of colors,” another reporter asked?

“Even if you can’t see the case, in your heart you’ll still know how pretty it is, and when you take it out of the case to trade in for the iPhone 18, it will be just as pretty as the day you put it in the case.”