The Late Ted Geisel titled his recently discovered book, Sing The 50 United States, so the publication will be timed with the 250th anniversary of our independence. Of course, given Geisel’s pre-woke sensibilities, the book is being edited to remove everything offensive to progressives and make it more inclusive.

For example, the book’s main characters are the Cat In The Hat and his “two little cat helpers.” Given the clear gender neutrality of the small cats, the published version will describe them as “two little non-binary cat helpers.”

Other edits will remove, or modify, text. For example, Geisel wrote the following rhyme.

“To sing the 50 United States, you have to use your brain. Massachusetts. Minnesota. Missouri and Montana. M-i-s-s-Mississippi. Maryland! Michigan and Maine!”

Because neurodivergent people are sensitive to references like “use your brain,” the phrase will be replaced with, “let ideas rain.”

“That way, children know that they are free to learn differently, or not at all,” explained Harvard Professor of Literature, Dr. Reilly Dents.

“Also, the ‘M-i-s-s-Mississippi’ part will be be cut since it suggests stuttering, and would be hurtful to differently abled speakers.”

Some of Geisel’s sketches will also be modified, or replaced. For example:

In Geisel’s draft, Floridians are all shown to be happy people walking and playing on the beach. This will be replaced with images showing the people just vacationing, and then returning to their home states to happily pay high taxes.

In Geisel’s version, California was illustrated with caricatures of Ronald Reagan, Bruce Jenner, and the Mouseketeers. The new illustrations will be Gavin Newsom, Caitlyn Jenner, and Dylan Mulvaney.

While Geisel’s version ends with the state of Wyoming, the improved version will add this rhyme.

“That’s all the states that we can see, but is that enough for you and me? Why just 50? Why not more? Why not Senators galore? More Democrats would be very good, so why not D.C. for statehood?”

Currently, the Seuss publishers are working on a sequel extolling the virtues of gerrymandering, called “One, Two, Three, Four, When Division Can Mean More. It’s a counting book.