Phase 1. Excited

Anticipatory excitement at being in the great outdoors, seeing new sites, and enjoying the company of friends.

Phase 2. Everything is Beautiful

Walking, talking, stopping to take pictures, every viewpoint is beautiful, every glimpse of water invigorating. 

Phase 3. Everything is Looking the Same

Still walking, but less talking, taking fewer pictures, realizing that one tree pretty much looks like another and how many damn creeks do we have to cross anyway?

Phase 4. Stumbling & Cursing

Hot, tired, wishing your trail mix included cocaine instead of raisins, tripping over roots and rocks, having to concentrate on picking up your feet, and thinking if we stop at a viewpoint one more time for a picture you might shove one of your annoying friends over the cliff. 

Phase 5. When Will This Nightmare End?

Eyes on your feet, you are a stumbling automaton, slapping at imaginary insects, oblivious to your surroundings, barely able to feign interest in another patch of ferns or a dribble of water someone is calling a waterfall, and praying your bladder won’t force you to find a bush to pee behind. 

Phase 6. Finish Line

Seeing the parking lot invigorates you, you finish strong, using the last of your energy to babble about how much fun you had and how you’d love to do it again as you hurry toward the gross porta-potty, knowing you will be sick the weekend they go hiking again.