When Elon Musk and his DOGE commandos entered the Iron Mountain Federal Paperwork Mine, they were blocked by a fire breathing dragon named Pouff.* Pouff was adamant about preventing entry.

“Hey, hey, ho, ho, Trump and Musk have got to go,” Pouff chanted, occasionally burping flames.

As immovable as that impassive security guard at the Department of Education that blocked an angry mob of Democrat congresspersons, Pouff turned Musk and his minions away.

Since Pouff’s records were actually stored in the cave he protects, an employee named Tiffany was sent down to get his file.

“We were shocked to find that Pouff had been guarding the cave since 1955 and was now earning $406,000 a year for sitting in a cave and checking ID badges, Musk said. “That makes him the second highest paid Federal employee in history, next to Anthony Fauci who continues to hold the record.”

To get around the fearsome dragon, Musk had Pouff put on administrative leave. After Musk took the long elevator ride back down to the cavern, Pouff took the news well.

“I’ll just take my pension,” Pouff said, while roasting chestnuts with his breath. “I put it all in gold and it’s now a mountain of shiny yellow.”

Pouff’s supervisor, Jack Paper, pointed out there would be little savings by sacking Pouff.

“While there may be some immediate savings as Pouff retires, in the long run Pouff will be a drain on public resources since dragons live forever,” Paper said. “Just like bureaucracy.”

Security guards who supervised Pouff as he cleaned out his desk, confirmed he took only personal items like strings, and sealing wax, and other fancy stuff.

*Note: Any similarity to the dragon from that song is completely coincidental.